Learnings from the road – My revelations

We have a million thoughts everyday. Talking solely about myself, I never stop thinking.
I’m in Manali. It is 6:00 pm, my chai-o-clock. Grabbing the corner most table in my favourite cafe,  my eyes are slowly tracing the splendor of the snow capped mountains. The air seemed to be made of a different, sweeter substance.
I take a sip of my chai and I think, what makes ‘all of this’ worth it?
Don’t get me wrong here. By “all of this”, I mean the predicaments which never seem to leave.
In  December 2017, I decided to take a leap of faith. A year break from my job to pursue THE DREAM.

4 months into it and I am more in love with life, myself and the world. Sometimes though, I feel differently. Those are the times in I take off my rose tinted glasses and suddenly it all looks malevolent.

I hate to break it out to you, IT’S NOT EASY.  I’ll tell you why.

  • I miss familiarity:
    I’m talking about the things I had taken for granted till now. The comfort of MY people, their warmth and the blissful feeling of you-are-not-alone.
    I’ve stayed in solitude and I swear on everything in existence, it’s not always empowering. Especially when nostalgia hits hard. I absolutely hate it when I’m vulnerable and have no one around to let it out.
    So I won’t lie here, but just sometimes I want to be listened to. I want giant bear hugs. I want to share my ice cream. I want endless talks over chai.  I want to be loved, by MY people.
  • I fear attachments:
    Goodbyes are my nightmare. Parting hugs,  even worse. I have been staying at one place for a considerable amount of time because slow travelling has always been my thing. But you know what, in the end it comes down to that nightmare.  And I can’t even begin to describe the anguish that grows when I’m about to leave a place. It takes so much of trials and errors to pick a favourite cafe, bookstore, tea stall or a secret hideout in an unknown place. Then it takes a whole another phase to fall in love with them, make it my own.
    So, the whole idea of not being able to see the place/people again (and everyday)  bums me out. That’s when the tears follow.
  • I’m not always a social butterfly:
    I love the company of fellow travellers, get inspired by their stories and treasure those precious times together.
    But just sometimes, I hate people. Those are the times when I need my space and  isolation. I have been volunteering in backpacker hostels for quite sometime now and it’s a part of my job to be the friendliest of the friendly human around. It may sound like the coolest thing to do. But NO!
    Being pretentious is a NO!
    Note: Rest of the times, I’m a sweetheart. Trust me. 
  • On being a procrastinator:
    I cannot begin to explain/exclaim the problem with procrastination that I’ve been suffering ever since I remember. Ideally, I should be super active on all social media platforms EVERYDAY. But that doesn’t seem to be happening lately. I get so engrossed in a place and it’s vibe that documenting it seems unimportant in the moment. Well, for someone who wants a career out of blogging, this habit is a killer.
  • On dealing with difficult people:
    No matter how sweet, compassionate and well behaved you are, toxic people will drain out your energy and force you to believe that the goodness in the world is dead. Well, I don’t buy that. But it has been a constant challenge for me to deal with them. There were moments when I wanted to scream my heart out as I couldn’t take anymore of it.
    That’s when I just close my eyes, take a long breath, let the anger flow and get over it.
  • On facing my little fears: Honestly, I am not a very fearless person. I get scared easy. I am afraid of insects, heights, rash driving, falling off cliffs, drowning, accidents. I’m scared of failing and letting myself down. But someone once told me, ” It’s okay to be scared. We all feel scared. What we do after being scared is what matters. You choose to be brave. And that’s something I respect“.  I was relieved because I chose to believe him. So yeah, it all comes down to the eternal happiness that lies beyond the fears. I MUST GET IT.

But irrespective of all the trials, travelling has changed me a long time back. It changes me everyday. I’m stuck by its simplicity, even mundanity. It delights me way more than it has ever saddened me. That’s how I know that if there is a solution, it is within.

The pursuit of happiness might seem difficult but passion makes it easy. After all, everything is a little part of a beautiful life.

Take it all in, dear heart. It’s all worth it. You’re fine. 

19 thoughts on “Learnings from the road – My revelations

  1. Ipsa , I took a good time reading through and before I say share something to you , let me tell you , I haven’t in my life traveled as much as you have but I love the fact what you have committed yourself to this year. What you have stepped up to is something very less people do in the god forsaken IT saga. Thumbs up for that. As for as any of your insecurities or flaws or inabilities or your lazy bum is concerned , well screw them for the world. None on these strings should hold you down. You travel, stay, eat , read , drink and post for your sake. Its your experience and yours alone. Immerse your self completely. You are not isolated from anybody you love and care about. It could seem a little shaky in the beginning days and its gonna be much more funny and shitty all the same ahead . Its all about what you experience.If its good , bad or ugly don’t get too attached to any of it . A traveler is meant to fall a million times and then finds her true calm and no body would know about it . Its all about you and your mind. Embrace all of yourself within and let the world fall out.Peace.

    1. Thanks for this! I believe in letting out my insecurities rather than keeping them locked in my head. That’s exactly what I’ve done here.
      I also understand that it all comes down to happiness and rest will fall into place. Completely agreeing to what you’ve written. Appreciate it. Cheers!!

  2. ‘If there is solution,it is within’…well said Ipsa..👏
    Travelling can change you upside down….
    You’ll not be the same person after 1 year i guarantee.
    the more you travel,more you become fearless.
    It’ll enrich your life like never before.
    just use certain tricks whenever you feel like nostalgic.
    I can very well relate with each & every word of your text.more power to you girl👍👍👍

    1. Thank you for reading the post and understanding that real life is certainly different that what is shown virtually. Im glad that you could relate to my words. Cheers!

  3. You know Ipsa what’s the best thing? You are honest with yourself and you are not afraid to speak out your issues. Keep it up my dear. You have a long way to go….

    With Love
    Moni

  4. This is so great for you to take a year for yourself and learn about who you are. This is so valuable to developing you. Plus the bonus of travel!

  5. You are so lucky to be able to take this opportunity. I wish I could take a year off to just travel and learn about different cities and cultures but it’s just not in the cards for me this lifetime. Enjoy the ride!

  6. Beautiful narrative..straight from the heart…travel is a great teacher..not everyone gets the opportunity to learn this way…to be on your own..exploring not just places but life per se is a unique experience…
    Regards

  7. It’s so awesome to see that you have gotten at that stage in your life when you can tune out most of the negativity. I am trying to get there myself. Great read.

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